WTF is Rental Car Rally?

Only the most adventurous road trip on the planet, chum! 


Held in cities across America every summer, Rental Car Rally careens across hundreds of miles of two-lane blacktop and backroads alike, pitting costumed galoots against each other in a madcap race to win $500 in loose change and that most gilded of trophies: His Glimmering Majesty, The Golden Gas Pump of Destiny, Esquire.

In other words, it's a challenge, old horse. A challenge to break the dim shackles of your amateur porn-addled brain, rise from your Laz-E-Boy, tuck your t-shirt into your panties and finally (finally!) do that thing — that one glorious, fully tumescent thing — that all Red Bull-blooded Americans with disposable income, a valid driving license and a curious penchant for costumed buffoonery yearn for in their vestigial 9-to-5 hearts: rent a car, raise some hell.

The rules are gloriously simple:

  1. Get vehicle
  2. Explore America
  3. Food fight

Will you see abandoned amusement parks? Strange and wondrous Satanic domes? Secret junkyards? Probably. And along the way you're going to meet people who will become lifelong friends, dubious references for future employment and, should the need arise, possible character witnesses in a court of law.

But what about the car, you ask?

A Rental Car Rally vehicle can be any vehicle whatsoever, as long as a) you don't care too much about its Blue Book resale value and b) the car's costume is a glorious thing indeed.

There are very few rules to the rally, but we strongly encourage you to create a vehicle that engenders squeals of delight from your fellow competitors, bemused looks from gas station attendants and, ideally, bug-eyed WTFs from small town gapers.

In accordance with Rental Car Rally's name, you may of course rent a vehicle, but we ask that you invest mightily in its decorations. Showing up at the starting line with a few hastily applied stickers is poor form, and boring.

So get on this thing, or someday tell your grandchildren about how you wasted your youth.

Upcoming Rallies

The Rally in Pictures

The generous felatings of our journalistic brethren