what is this rental car rally you speak of?
What's Rental Car Rally? Only the most adventurous road trip on the planet, chum!
Held in cities across America every summer, Rental Car Rally careens across hundreds of miles of two-lane blacktop and backroads alike, pitting costumed galoots against each other in a madcap race to win that most gilded of trophies: His Glimmering Majesty, The Golden Gas Pump of Destiny, Esquire.
In other words, it's a challenge, old horse. A challenge to break the dim shackles of your amateur porn-addled brain, rise from your Laz-E-Boy, tuck your t-shirt into your panties and finally (finally!) do that thing — that one glorious, fully tumescent thing — that all Red Bull-blooded Americans with disposable income, a valid driving license and a curious penchant for costumed buffoonery yearn for in their vestigial 9-to-5 hearts: rent a car, raise some hell.
The rules are gloriously simple:
- You may take only one vehicle
- You must visit a series of checkpoints
- You must like eggs
Will you see abandoned amusement parks? Strange and wondrous Satanic domes? Secret junkyards? Probably. And along the way you're going to meet people who will become lifelong friends, dubious references for future employment and, should the need arise, possible character witnesses in a court of law.
So get on this thing, or someday tell your grandchildren about how you wasted your youth.