what is this rental car rally you speak of?

What's Rental Car Rally? Only the most adventurous road trip on the planet, chum! 

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Held in cities across America every summer, Rental Car Rally careens across hundreds of miles of two-lane blacktop and backroads alike, pitting costumed galoots against each other in a madcap race to win that most gilded of trophies: His Glimmering Majesty, The Golden Gas Pump of Destiny, Esquire.

In other words, it's a challenge, old horse. A challenge to break the dim shackles of your amateur porn-addled brain, rise from your Laz-E-Boy, tuck your t-shirt into your panties and finally (finally!) do that thing — that one glorious, fully tumescent thing — that all Red Bull-blooded Americans with disposable income, a valid driving license and a curious penchant for costumed buffoonery yearn for in their vestigial 9-to-5 hearts: rent a car, raise some hell.

The rules are gloriously simple:

  1. You may take only one vehicle
  2. You must visit a series of checkpoints
  3. You must like eggs

Will you see abandoned amusement parks? Strange and wondrous Satanic domes? Secret junkyards? Probably. And along the way you're going to meet people who will become lifelong friends, dubious references for future employment and, should the need arise, possible character witnesses in a court of law.

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So get on this thing, or someday tell your grandchildren about how you wasted your youth.

The Rally in Pictures


Upcoming rallies


The generous felatings of our journalistic brethren


Who's in charge maybe?

Supreme Cooks things


Supreme
Cooks things


 
These Assholes


These Assholes

Whoever this guy is


Whoever this guy is

Santa Mania


Santa Mania

Pants Worries about stuff


Pants
Worries about stuff


with special appearances by

Ginger Jesus


Ginger Jesus

The Lady Elvi


The Lady Elvi

Lick 'N' Spit Ice Cream


Lick 'N' Spit Ice Cream

Mustache Does math


Mustache
Does math


 
The Enforcer


The Enforcer

Sir Richard Cockhard


Sir Richard Cockhard

Sex Fiends from Outer Space


Sex Fiends from Outer Space